New planner: check. New journal: check. New Moleskine booklet for random notes on the go: check. No new holiday debt: check.
I am as prepared as I intend to get for the New Year.
My folks agreed to watch the boys for NYE, but Jared and I have no idea what we will do with our night of freedom. We might decide to go to the Possum Drop. The 9 PM Possum Drop though, not the midnight one. Because, old and sleepy.
We might decide to just stay home.
I am not really one for resolutions. I try to constantly improve anyway (and fail at that most of the time), so there’s nothing different about the New Year that changes that fact.
However, I do have goals.
My word for the year 2020 is bloom. I don’t do a word of the year every year. My word for 2019 was kind. I was kind of aimless in picking that word, but bloom is a little more intentional.
I want to bloom in 2020.
I want to grow the photo business this year. I want to be unconcerned as to whether the photo biz grows so much that I work myself off Social Security. If it happens, it happens. And I am a long, long way from it happening right now. In truth, working my way off SSDI is not likely to happen at all, as much as I might dream about it.
I want to get Porter started in piano lessons. I want to be a better soccer mom. I want to make our house feel more like our home.
I want to be more physically active. I want to cultivate a healthy daily routine. Simple things: It does not kill me to run the Swiffer across the first floor daily, but I currently only do it when we are expecting people. It takes two minutes to swish the toilet with the cleaner. Laundry day is not so painful when it is done weekly.
I want to be better to J. We are not always best at connecting because we get so absorbed in the kids or other things going on. I can put down my phone a little more than I do. We need to get back to nightly sitting at the table as a family for dinner instead of rushing through so we get back to whatever we’re doing individually.
I want to be more self-driven with my motivation. Motivation was at an all-time low for the first half of this school year. I slept a lot of it away. There’s no doubt that I spent much of this semester depressed. My psych nurse wants me in therapy. It’s a no-go though, even if I have worked through my phobia of therapists. The kinds of therapists I really need are the kind that are like $150-200 an hour and don’t file insurance. So, it’s just not a happening thing. I will rely on my meds and do as best I can.
I want to write more. I want to censor myself less.
That’s all for now.