Not 100%. But, I got up around 7, after my alarm went off. Fixed breakfast for everyone. Had coffee. Did my yoga. Have laundry going because laundry day is actually three days long, Sunday to Tuesday. Considering bathing the dogs because it’s been two weeks and they stink. Still mad about the situation that made me mad, but it is what it is. In general, I feel like I have been beat to a pulp emotionally but I do not feel like going back to bed. I’ll take that as a win.
Jared says I’ve been due for an episode like the last few days. I trust him on that since he is more perceptive to my cycles than I am myself. I’d like to get to the point where triggers (because I just cannot avoid ALL triggers in the world) don’t have such an effect on me and I’m better than I used to be, I suppose. I mean, there was a time when a trigger would mean a fight and me storming off and getting in the car after a big scene or whatever. These days, it rarely triggers fights with Jared.
Finished another skein of yarn on the cornsilk yellow blanket (that makes #3 and #4 is already here, sitting on the end table). The blanket comes up to my waist now. I’m trying to decide if it will be a throw (either for our living room or for a Christmas present) or if I will keep going with a king sized bedspread in mind, for our room.
I have another crochet project I am currently ignoring and procrastinating on, the boho bunting for over the sink in the kitchen. I have no idea why I am procrastinating on it but both of these projects are probably going to find their way into storage soon because I am tired of having the yarn sitting around. Yarn sitting around equals messy house and depression to me. I guess that’s because when I am depressed, crochet is often all I can productively manage to do.
The Apple Watch is interesting. It lets me know when I sit too long and tells me to stand up. It reminds me to take deep breaths. I’ve already gotten used to receiving texts and phone calls on it. I wish the My Fitness Pal integration was a little more detailed but I guess I shouldn’t complain. The EKG app told me that my heart rhythm was normal but that my heart rate was 10 bpm higher after my morning coffee. Which probably means I need to learn to lay off the coffee even though I love. it. so. much.
I was never even interested in a smart watch until I ordered Jared’s. I didn’t really see the point, since I rarely go anywhere without my phone in my hand. But, and this is the honest truth– I am the incredibly spoiled beneficiary of Jared’s generosity. He cannot stand to spend much money on himself without also spending on me. As it turns out, he had been doing his squirrel thing, so we only paid a percentage for my Apple Watch out of our household budget. After it was ordered, I got to researching them and as it turns out, it’s going to be really useful on wedding days in particular. The notes function will be really handy.
I said I was more interested in getting in better shape yesterday and that isn’t entirely new. Before the big upset, I was already trying to eat a little better– or, at least eat less cheese and grease. Today, I started tracking what goes in my mouth again with My Fitness Pal. I started taking the alfalfa supplements and Fish Oil again, because while I’ve kept my prescribed meds going I had slacked off on vitamins, etc. Today while I’ve had two cups of coffee, I intend to leave it at that and not drink it all day long. I’m on my third giant cup of water for the day already.
I went three days without coffee during the depression because it was too much effort to make it and Jared said he could see the withdrawal on my face. But, I know I have been drinking too much coffee for weeks now, maybe since Christmas or so. So, today I will warm up almond milk and water, since the warm makes my brain think I am having the luxury.
The headaches are better and I only had to take the Excedrin Migraine for two days. My neck is mostly better, enough that I didn’t hurt myself doing some stretches on the floor last night or this morning.
I suspect my neck hurts because of my back. I can tell that the scoliosis now extends up and above my shoulder blades and into my neck and I suspect that maybe a bent vertabrae is irritating a nerve in my neck.
It’s a tough decision and ten years ago I wouldn’t have made this decision, but I have decided to NOT do anything about the scoliosis above and beyond exercises and trying to keep myself in as good a shape as possible, which means losing weight as much as I can and keeping moving as much as possible.
My scoliosis surgery in 1993 saved my life and kept my spine from crushing my heart, but at the cost of losing all mobility and flexibility between and including my hips, all the way to my shoulder blades. Even though I was 13 at the time of the surgery, I don’t even remember anymore what it was like to be able to bend at the waist, or to be able to slouch properly.
But, I am so thankful the doctor stopped the fusion at my shoulder blades. Any future surgeries would surely see fusing some portion of my neck or shoulder bones, and I will take whatever pain level the scoliosis brings over and above losing that flexibility. I don’t begrudge or resent having to live my life with that limited flexibility that I have– after all, that surgery saved my life. I feel like for the most part, I am able to do what I need to do other than perhaps be as attentive to my feet as I would like to be. Thankfully, Jared helps with that when need be. But I don’t itch to not be able to move my shoulders or neck as freely as I can now. One fusion (as massive as it may be) is enough.