This morning, I felt broken. I slept in until nearly noon. It was not a good morning.
Yesterday was a high day. I got some things done, got out of the house. I bought a passel full of envelopes for USB deliveries and got my first roll of film run through the Yashica Mat 124G off for developing. I visited with my parents. This is what I hate about my illness. Often, following a high day, I can expect a much lower day to follow.
It’s not that simple though– I felt better today a few hours after I had two cups of coffee and my medicines, but really– it equally could have been a bipolar swing that tipped my mood toward a functional level. My illness is such that minute by minute, swings can be different.
I missed a psychiatrist appt last week– not on purpose, I was sick and it just slipped my mind and at the time I wasn’t in the habit of looking at my calendar. I was in avoidance mode. When I called this afternoon to reschedule that appt., the receptionist asked how stable I am. The truth? I rarely have any idea. What I think of as stable is usually a little more on the manicky side of things.
I have really been more depressed than anything all Fall. But I don’t really want to up my Effexor dose because I just filled a 3-month prescription. *sigh*
It is what it is. For now, I see light ahead.